3. Walking Near a River
I was recently walking with a friend on the Cowboy Trail in Norfolk. Right next to the river, I might add. Every time twigs snapped, I knew for certain a serial killer was hiding in the woods. Usually, squirrels were the cause of my near coronary episodes. Still, there are too many bodies discovered in garbage bags in the river to let my guard down completely. And on the way back, a rather suspicious looking dude was standing on the river bank staring into the void. My friend commented that the guy had probably just thrown someone into the water. Perhaps, I’m passing my paranoia to others, but I’d like to think I’m making them more aware and thus better prepared for dangerous situations.
2. Going to the Circus
I’ve never felt safe at the circus. Why, you ask? I can sum it up in one word… Clowns. There is something inherently sinister about the creepy plastic smiles and forced laughter of clowns. I mean, they’re hiding secrets so dark Dateline hasn’t even steeled their nerves enough to interview these beings. Maybe you think I’m crazy, and you’re entitled to your opinion, but if John Wayne Gacy taught us anything, it’s that murder and body disposal aren’t out of a clown’s wheelhouse. And when those clowns were standing on street corners all over the country a few years back, I was honestly shocked that so many people seemed surprised. Why be surprised when clowns do horrifying things? It’s just typical clown behavior.
- Jogging Outdoors
This will come as no surprise to my faithful readers. But let’s be honest, a lot of joggers either end up dead on the side of the trail or they have the misfortune of finding a body near said trail. I’m pretty sure that as soon as your sneaker hits the sidewalk wherever you plan to jog, your chances of finding/becoming a dead body increase exponentially. If you choose to take such a risk, bring pepper spray or a baseball bat and make sure you’re in a location with cell phone reception. You’ll thank me later. 🙂